The Trust Factor: Marriage (part one)

Trust is vital in marriage. I recently heard of a situation where a young wife had discovered her husband was having an affair. When she confronted him about his unfaithfulness and the marriage vows he took he replied, “That’s just a piece of paper.” The “piece of paper” he was referencing was, of course, the marriage license. There are several things wrong with a scenario like this.

First, adultery is wrong. It is a breach of trust between a man and a woman who have agreed to be faithful to each other. There may be lots of excuses as to why a person succumbs to this temptation but there is no real justification for it. If a person isn’t mature enough to keep their libido in check they shouldn’t take on the responsibility of marriage. Adultery is the breaking of the trust which is vital to a healthy marriage. Trust can be repaired but only through a truly repentant attitude and hard work.

Second, there was probably a lot of misplaced trust in this situation. Sometimes, people allow passion to over rule wisdom. All of us need to be loved but we may fail to use caution when giving our love to someone else. Why? Because our desire and need for the security of being loved is so strong that we may naively accept the other person’s “I love you” as the real deal. The truth is that lots of folks talk about love without the foggiest notion of what real love is. But, we want to be “loved’ and are liable to fall for any counterfeit.In the instance cited above, trust was blind and naive.

Third, situations such as this cause me to question the character of those involved. I tend to see adultery in this instance as a symptom of a dysfunctional marriage. Something at the core of the marriage wasn’t right. There was no solid basis for trust because there wasn’t character to build on.

When a man and woman have committed to each other to be honest and meet each other’s needs a solid trust develops. The glue that holds relationships together in tough times involves the trust that has been built by the way they have cared for each other before the tough times come. We learn to trust our spouse, or vice versa, because we know them.

Trustworthiness is a part of good character and it is wise to have a good idea about the “character” you are thinking about marrying before you say “I do.”

More on this in The Trust Factor: Marriage (part two)

Is Your Child Special ?

 Does your child know he is special ?

When our son, Nathan, was small his mom would often ask him this question,”If all the little boys in the world lined up and I got to pick out anyone I wanted,do you know who I would choose?” I can still hear his giggling, happy “me” in response to her question. This was just one of many ways my wife and I sought to communicate a highly important message to our children. That message was: You are very important to us.

Is there anything you could give your child that is more valuable or potentially life-changing than a sense of being special? There is no substitute or rival to his sense of being really important to you. This is an unparalleled gift, one he cannot buy or earn or should feel compelled to do so. This is a gift from a parent’s heart, a gift of grace. This gift of acceptance is the cornerstone of emotional and spiritual health. Only when this piece of life’s puzzle is in place do the other pieces begin to fall into place also.

When parents fail to give their child a sense of acceptance; of being loved for who they are, the child is left to search for that important, missing piece in other places. As you can imagine, people attempt to try to find meaning to their life in many different ways. The bottom line is that we all need to feel loved, to be accepted for who we are.

This sense of being special we seek to instill in our child is not something we can do by doing any certain thing. Feeling loved is a by-product, a result of paying attention to three aspects of your child’s life. In other words, there are three areas which are very important to your child’s sense of himself. Your child’s view of his physical self, his sense of accomplishment or defeat and the views of significant others toward him combine to help him feel good about himself or not so good. Go to my book, Parenting With a Purposehttp://www.smashwords.com/books/view/138381  for more detail on these areas..

Why Did God Give You A Child?

How do you answer this question, “Why did God give you a child?” Children can be difficult, it’s true, but God has placed your child or children in your life to do something for you. God has different ways to grow us. While you are their parent, they may be the instrument through which God teaches you some life-altering truths.

The bottom line of life is relationships. God gave you a child as a way to enhance your relationship with him. God can use your child in many ways to remind you of how much he loves you. There are times, no doubt, you feel almost overwhelmed by your love for your child. Perhaps these times are a good reminder of the even greater love God has for you. See if you agree with the following reasons why God gave you a child:

Your child can be your teacher in matters of trust and total dependence. They show us how our heavenly father wants us to trust him. Your young child doesn’t worry about the necessities of life because he trusts you to provide for his needs. In the same way, God wants us to trust him to give us what we need. Read Matthew 7:9-11 to see how Jesus illustrates this idea.

God can also use your children to renew your wonder about life. The stress and strain of everyday life can suck the joy and wonder out of us and we can forget that life is really a miracle. Holding a newborn or looking into the wonder-struck eyes of a child looking at a butterfly can revive a sense of wonder in us. Taking time to see the world through the eyes of a child can help us see the awesome power and greatness of our loving Creator and Lord.

And, God can use your child to renew your hope about life and its purpose. As you read this blog, there is trouble throughout the world; wars, natural disasters, financial calamities, and human suffering. Why would thinking people want to bring children into a world like this? Hope, that’s why. As a believer you can rear your child to serve the Lord and make an eternal difference in the lives of others.

Isn’t it wonderful that God gave you a child to teach you about what it means to trust and to remind you about the wonder that surrounds you every moment?

Healthy Love Takes The”Long Look”

 Are you taking the ” long look” in how your rear your child? Healthy love takes the “long look”. Healthy love does  not settle for what is convenient or what does not lead to the best for your child in the long run. Healthy love must sometimes be tough. It tolerates you child’s discomfort and anger. It is smart, knowledgeable.

To be able to choose what is in the best interest of our child implies some knowledge of what life is about.. It means we choose to teach our child values and our expectations based on convictions we have about life-questions. What is life’s purpose? Are we accountable for the way we live? Are there basic character traits that are healthy and to be sought after? What does God expect of me as a parent?

It seems obvious to me that a solid grounding in biblical principles is indispensable if we seek to do what is best for our child. Such knowledge grounds you in how to deal with specific issues. It also helps you make judgments about what to glean and discard from parenting information you  get through reading and other sources.

Biblical principles should form the base or foundation of what you choose to teach your child. Upon those biblical principles you can build methods and concepts, consistent with those principles, which will help you in providing a healthy love for your child.

What are you currently doing to make yourself more able to make decisions which help your child in the long term?