One of the most challenging things the Lord instructs us to do is to forgive those who have hurt us. Our trust in others makes us vulnerable to being deeply hurt by their words, actions, or inaction. The closer we are to the person, the deeper the wound. One example, children who suffered physical or emotional abuse from parents or siblings often struggle with forgiving and developing a healthy relationship with them.
Forgiveness is a big step, requiring that we absorb the pain inflicted on us without attempting to “even the score.” We can and should forgive regardless of whether the other person apologizes or admits to wronging us. Forgiveness sets us free from the rage that demands revenge, but it doesn’t necessarily mend the relationship that has been damaged or destroyed. Forgiveness involves one person, you, the offended person. The greatest example of what I’m saying is the cross Jesus bore for us. He took the hell and pain we deserve so that we can be “reconciled” to God.
Reconciliation, the process of restoring a broken relationship to a healthy level, requires two persons: the offender and the offended. The trip of Joseph’s brothers to buy food in Egypt puts them “in his hands” to do with as he pleases. This intriguing story is told in Genesis 42-45. What will Joseph do? Will he seek revenge for how they treated him, or will he take the higher road to see if reconciliation is possible?
How did Joseph handle his opportunity for revenge? Surely, Joseph may have anticipated the possibility of seeing his brothers again since people from different areas were coming to him for food. What would he do should he see them again? Twenty years had passed since they sold him into slavery, but now “the tables have turned,” and he would have the advantage and could do whatever he wished to them. Look at what is said about what happens after the brothers bow before him,
“As soon as Joseph saw his brothers, he recognized them, but pretended to be a stranger and spoke harshly to them. “Where do you come from? he asked, “From the Land of Canaan, they replied, to buy food.” Genesis 42:7
Joseph is now in his late thirties and dressed in the finery of a powerful Egyptian leader, and they do not recognize him. We are later told that he used an interpreter to communicate with them. They had no idea he was the brother they sold into slavery, and he had no intention of letting them know who he was. The next thing Joseph does is to set up a series of tests to help them deal with what they have done to him. This may seem cruel and unnecessary, but it is intended to see if reconciliation is possible. This is a form of “tough love” that helps the guilty party come to terms with what they have done. So, he accuses them,
“You are spies! You have come to see where our land is unprotected.” Genesis 42:9
I encourage you to read about the steps Joseph took to test his brothers before making himself known to them. Here are some of the things he did:
- He put them in custody for three days to let them think about the predicament they were in.
- He required that they bring Benjamin to him to prove they were “honest” men.
- He kept one brother in custody while the returned to Canaan.
- He had their silver put into their sacks of grain to make it seem they were thieves.
- The brothers bring Benjamin to Egypt and are invited to Joseph’s house for a meal. Benjamin is treated as a special guest.
- On their way home after their second visit to Egypt, his silver cup was placed in Benjamin’s sack of grain. They are allowed to leave for home, only to be tracked down and forced to return to Egypt.
- Joseph receives them back at his house and reveals himself to them.
What had led Joseph to choose restoration over revenge?
I believe Joseph’s forgiveness of his brothers was a process that took place years before they came to Egypt. Through all the suffering and service as a slave, he became aware that God was using their evil to bless him. One proof of this is found in Genesis 41:50-52, where we are told about the birth of his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. The meaning of their names expresses how he has come to forgive his brothers. He is okay, feels blessed by how God has worked things out for him. Manasseh means “God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” And Ephraim means, “God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.”
As I said earlier, forgiveness is one of the most challenging things God instructs us to do. Humanly speaking, we can’t do it. Only as we allow God to heal us of the hurt and see His will at work can we forgive. Forgiveness is a God-Thing, and we only do it through His power.
Was Joseph’s desire for reconciliation realized?
There are indications in the text that the brothers believed their predicament was a direct result of their treatment of Joseph. For example, Genesis 42:21 says, “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come on us.” This text could lead us to hope that reconciliation took place between Joseph and his brothers, but we are left to guess. We are not told. What we are told is that they were speechless and scared “out of their wits” when he told them who he was.
We see another admirable aspect of Joseph’s character in how he dealt gently with his brothers without excusing the wrong they had done. “Do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” Genesis 45:5